Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
