five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
