HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
