dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
