Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's rum buckets o'clock
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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