I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
