i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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