I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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