just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
