You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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