she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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