don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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