So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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