his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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