operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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