What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
