Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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