I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Congratulations! We have a period
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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