Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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