He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
