this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
