I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
