Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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