Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
