My sheets look like a crime scene.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
