you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
