I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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