This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
