Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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