I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
