I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
