The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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