At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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