discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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