I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize