I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize