yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
