You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
