dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
