dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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