nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
