Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
