1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
