I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
