Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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