Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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