all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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