There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize