Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
