smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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