We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
