I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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