there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
