my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
