he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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