your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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