I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ladies don't puke and tell
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
