brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
