Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
