Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
