I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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