Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
