I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
