Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He better not be in your backpack
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
